You may want to sit down for this one, because this one could get a little heavy.
From the moment I started writing a blog on my journey through unemployment, I’ve tried to be as honest as humanly possible.
(Of course, the blog is anonymous, so I guess I’ve managed to leave out one little detail.)
I’ve always tried to express exactly how I’m feeling through this miserable roller coaster ride, whether its a good day or a bad minute.
Well, this morning I am throwing a pity party and you are invited.
Let me cut to the chase.
I’m really starting to believe that I will never get a job again.
At least not a job in the industry that I called home for 25 years.
I’ve never asked for sympathy and I’m not about to start now, but I’m just expressing the sinking feeling that is on my mind this morning.
Whatever took place two weeks ago might as well be two years ago at this point.
Yes, that phone could ring at any moment, but I’m pretty worn out from the shoulda, coulda, woulda.
I feel like I’ve over-exhausted every contact I have ever made and over-used every resource that’s out there.
I've called. I've re-called.
I've emailed, I've re-emailed.
I even tried the "I think my internet was down, so I'm not sure if you got my last email."
This is getting old and I'm getting tired.
In a new HBO Documentary, Magic Johnson scored the greatest point of his career when he said he found out who his real friends were when became HIV positive.
He literally cried the entire time he was saying it.
The tears coming out of his eyes matched the ones coming out of mine.
I can't relate to his exact situation, but I can definitely relate to his point.
I have an incredible support system and a growing group of friends who have provided the real love that John & Paul used to write about.
I don’t think I’m special and I certainly don’t think that I am owed anything, but I know that I am really good at what I do.
Or actually, what I used to do.
I just can’t understand what happened.
Honestly, I don’t get it.
I wrote the first draft of this blog on a lined sheet of paper, standing in the dark in my kitchen, kinda like a suicide note.
WHICH IT IS NOT!
I still have plenty of lust for live, it’s just my career that is dead.
And it breaks my heart.
What did I do to deserve this?
What did any of my unemployed colleagues do to deserve this?
When I say that I am open to taking on a new job in a new field, I am being totally sincere.
I don’t need the glamour that TV provided.
I certainly don’t need the stress either, but I do miss being creative.
I love grocery shopping, I really do, but there’s not a lot of room for being creative there.
I don’t mind doing the dishes either, but I think I’ve mastered how to get the most items in one load.
The bottom line is, I want to work.
I love being a stay-at-home dad and all of the amazing opportunities that have come with it, but with every day that I am staying at home, I feel like a big part of me is disappearing.
I don’t have any regrets, well perhaps, I don’t have many regrets, but what I’ve learned is that living in the past can destroy you.
In a hurry.
10 comments:
there are some things you've discovered you can do through this blog... like inspire people! that is a gift, and whatever thing you end up doing, i believe you are going to continue doing that.
i'm generally wary of recommending books and perhaps u've already read michael gill gates' story...
yes, he might have just gotten lucky, but through your words i can see you have the mental strength, to find a job that needs to be done.
all the best!!
I hear you brother. It's funny how much weight we put on our careers to define us, when in reality we have to remind ourselves that our real lasting legacy will be our children.
OK that sounded dorky. But I have kids too, and I have to keep reminding myself that, they are why my wife and I get up and hump it to jobs we dislike everyday.
But that bit about your career dying, is so on point.
I too got into this business (I'm in TV too) for reasons I won't get into now, but somewhere along the lines, it has lost its luster.
Hang in there, there are better opportunities on the horizon...geeze I'm sounding like a greeting card again...sorry.
PS love the blog, keep it up.
Sorry to hear this. We all wish you luck in finding a TV related job and if need be a job in another field. Hopefully NYC will at least call and let you know you are not wanted but these days companies seem to have forgotten about doing stuff like that. Sadly.
Repeat it like a mantra: "it's not me, it's the economy. I will find a job."
Sir Bacon....
As your friend north of Foothill, I completely feel your pain.
YOU have a gift for uniting people and being honest, kind, and introspective...none of those things commonly found in your former employment. Maybe there's something more out there for you and it's just around the corner. In the meantime, there's well, there's life with your family. We all are pulling for you!
I don't know what to say. I do believe you will get to work in your field again, but it is just a feeling, based on your years of experience, your young age and the kind of person you seem to be.
Since I have been let go, I took classes in a new field and I have started piano lessons. I find it motivating to learn something new even if unrelated to my past career.
Is there something else you could work at besides TV? You have a lot of years left, so maybe there is something you always dreamt of doing?
Have you considered writing a book about your experience? I will buy it and many others wiil too.
Cheers
Sir Bacon,
Sometimes, we think the world is conspiring against us and constantly keep pushing at doors to open them and then we realize that the doors were already open...all you had to do was pull.
Just hold on tight and now that you're looking at new avenues apart from the TV industry, you've got better chances of finding a job.
Good Luck & God Bless!
Rukmani, India
Dear Sir Bacon,
What happened? Socialism happened, and you probably supported it. But, socialism doesn't need your creativity. In socialism you've crossed from being on the black side of the ledger to the red side. You're an expense. Keeping you busy, taking care of you, keeping you and yours fed, and giving you the minimum is govt's job now, and Fat Luck.
The only thing that keeps me going is laughter. Socialism is so grim and dreary, I look for things to laugh at every day and encourage myself to laugh.
Like you watching that silly movie Julie/Julia where the poor little rich girl gets her cooking bills financed by Mom and rides on the back of Julia Child to fame and fortune on her blog.
Say these words to yourself in a Bugs Bunny voice, "Wake up you silly dreaming former TV producer!"
The best thing about your blog is that it helps to know I'm not the only one looking at my local trashmen and enviously thinking 'hey, steady work, top of the line health benefits and pension, lotsa exercise, and no worries mate, just a little smelly.'
Life is a game (in a way like baseball...)
You could play the game or quit but as long as you are in the game there is a possibility.
Here in Montreal a film maker killed himself because he was bankrupt for over 800,000$.
Not 8 millions$, only 800,000!
Here is the link to the article about it in
La Presse:
http://www.cyberpresse.ca/opinions/chroniqueurs/nathalie-petrowski/201003/13/01-4260334-un-homme-de-coeur.php
Stay in the game as life is only a game and no more!
Keep it up! Eveything is about attitude and positiveness. If you believe in God, pray, if you don't, wish.
Keep your head up, so you can look in the eye of your future employer and convince him your his already his best employee. Send resumes, far away, if you can, where the economy is better.
Post a Comment