TWITTER: @sirbacon123

23 July 2010

The Parent Trap

My morning ritual hasn’t changed in six months.
Get up, stumble downstairs, make a b-line for my iPhone and immediately check to see who emailed Sir Bacon.
More times than not, it is a some “stranger” from somewhere in the world passing along warm pleasantries about my most recent blog.
And thank you for that.  Keep 'em coming.  It never gets old.
However recently I have noticed a growing trend of phony emails.
I guess you could say -- my Sir Bacon inbox has seen more Spam lately than a Hawaiian Grocery Store.
Rim shot anyone?
I’ve won the Irish lottery more times than I can count.
There is an African Prince who is dying to give me his money.
And yesterday, I got an email from “Bill Gates” offering me like $12 Million.
How bout if you just fix my printer and we call it even.
I get a fair amount of email forwarded to me from my real friends too, but they are usually either sports related or just plain quirky.
But a few days ago, I got an email from my cousin that I thought would make a great topic for a blog.
I sat at my computer and pondered how I could rework something that wasn’t broken.
So instead of adding my own dash of salt, just enjoy:

Job Description 

This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, I don't believe any of us would have done it!!!!


Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends

and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! 
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required. 


The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. 

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair,

mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute, and a total embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys,

and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility. 


Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining,

constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you.

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis..


Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college

will help them become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it

and wish you could only do more.


While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement,

no paid holidays and no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the 
PARENTS you know,
in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated for the fabulous job they do...
or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.


If you missed my tribute to my father, who I miss dearly, check out this blog from Father's Day:
Papa Can You Hear Me? 

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