Gym Dandy

I’m very happy to report that I’ve received many compliments about my appearance on CNN last week, but the words that really make me blush are when somebody says I looked skinny.

I’ve been called a lot of things in my day, most of which I can’t print in this here blog, but skinny is not one of them.

I’ve spent most of my life on the the north side of the scale, but thanks to unemployment, that has all changed.

My morning schedule is very structured -- Wake Up... Mumble... Drive the kids to school... Workout.

I see a lot of the same people at the gym every morning, but rarely do we exchange more than a smile.   This working out is a tough business and there’s no time for chatter.

The routine is pretty simple -- show up, pick a machine and hand my card to Dana.

She’s the one who works the counter, organizes the room and welcomes me with a warm greeting EVERY day.

(She’s also the one who lets me do 60 minutes on the elliptical machine even though the sign says its a 30-minute max.  Thank you girlfriend!)

Other than the brief and polite exchange each morning, Dana and I hadn’t really spoken too much.

Until the other day.

Last Tuesday, while I was midway through my workout, I remembered that my friend Lisa Guerrero had an exclusive interview airing on Inside Edition with Michelle “Bombshell” Mcgee.

She’s the one with the Nazi tattoos, who had the affair with Mr. Sandra Bullock.  Michelle, not Lisa.

So while huffing and puffing, I asked Dana to change the channel on one of the TV’s so I could see Lisa’s interview.

And what an interview it was.

Lisa did an amazing job dropping the bomb on Bombshell, this pathetic excuse for a stripper.

If the affair with Jesse James didn’t make you sick, the head-to-toe tattoos probably did.   

I’m not making a judgment on the art, I’m making a judgment on the artist.

White Power tattoos.  Swastikas in places that they couldn’t show.  Pictures with a Nazi armband, while holding a knife to her own throat.

I don’t believe Greyhound sells a class low enough for her to get a ticket.

The show and my elliptical ride ended at the same time, so as I dismounted, I went over to thank Dana for changing the channel.

Ten minutes later, I had a new friend.

A very cool friend.

I learned that like Bombshell, Dana has a couple of tattoos.  

And like Jesse James, Dana rides motorcycles.   

And like me, Dana is Jewish.

After hearing the first two revelations, the third part really surprised me.

With the Jewish bond firmly in place, Dana and I had a great conversation.

We talked about a man she used to respect.   Jesse.

She raved about the type of bike he builds, as does pretty much everyone who knows anything about bikes.

But it was the support of Nazi Germany by both Jesse and his ink’d up play thing that drew the line for Dana.

As Tim, the converted Jewish Dentist told us on Seinfeld, “it’s our sense of humor that sustained us as a people for 3,000 years.”

5,000!

“Even better.”

Some Jewish jokes are funny.  Especially in Yiddish.

But there is nothing funny about the Holocaust.

To hear anyone say that it never happened, brings a sickness to my body, especially on this the day that Adolf Hitler was born.

The mother of my friend Phil watched as her father was taken away by the SS, never to be seen again. 

And to have a “celebrity” celebrate what the Nazis represented was beyond words.

And to hear that the logo for Jesse James’ company, West Coast Choppers, is inspired by Nazi German symbols is as unbelievable as Sandra Bullock beating Meryl Streep in the Academy Awards.

Talk about The Blind Side.

Dana told me that she won’t see any more of Mel Gibson’s movies because of his anti-semitic remarks.

My dad wouldn’t sit in a Mercedes or Volkswagen because they were “Nazi cars.”

And Jesse, I won’t cut fresh flowers for you.

But thank you for introducing me to Dana.