TWITTER: @sirbacon123

23 April 2010

Blinded By Science

Allergy season has officially arrived.
That means, keep the kleenex close by and let the sneezing begin.
Fortunately for me, a couple of years ago I found a $5 over-the-counter medication that has eliminated pretty much all of my wheezing.
By the way, that’s $5 for 100 pills.
Unfortunately I was never able to find a pill to cure my allergic reaction to the Library.
Coming within 100 feet of the building in college gave me goose bumps.  I’ve tried to stay away since.
I think it was the silence in the building that wore me down.  Couldn’t they pump just a little muzak into that place?  
It would really liven it up.
Don’t get me wrong, I love learning.   I love getting smarterer and I definitely love reading, especially sports or music magazines.
I read several internet newspapers everyday.  I keep up on current events like I’m Dan Rather, but sitting in a library puts me to sleep.
Now part of my new job description as a stay-at-home dad, is helping the kids with school, a part of the job I have really enjoyed.
Even if it means a trip to the local library from time to time.
As a parent, you do a lot of things that you might normally not do.
Two words -- poopy diapers.
When my first born was hatched, I was probably the least prepared parent of all-time.   
I know this sounds dumb, actually incredibly dumb, but it never registered to me that newborns need your help doing EVERYTHING.
They need you to eat.   They need you to sleep and they definitely need you to change their poopy diapers.
My excuse is a lame one, but it’s the only one I got.
Both my mom and dad had no brothers or sisters.  My only sibling is a brother who is 14-years older than me.  And that left me to grow up with no youngins around.
Fortunately I was blessed with three opportunities to be the father of a newborn.
Looking back, my grade as the father of baby #1, a girl, was definitely an incomplete.   
I got an A for love, but a much lower grade for participation.
With baby #2, the boy, it was a whole nother ballgame.
For example, he loved to play this game called:
  • Right as you change my diaper, I am going to throw up and sometimes to mix it up, I’m going to spray you with my hose for the fun of it.
Not a fun game to play, but the highlights are hilarious.
By baby #3, another girl, I was an expert.  Well, at least as much of an expert as I was going to be.   
I figured out what foods you could stuff her with to keep her from crying.  I mastered the art of not hearing her scream while I was sleeping at night.  
I was the model dad.
Now before you call Child Services, I must remind you that the kids are now 12, 11 and six, and perfectly healthy.
You can credit my wife for balancing out my deficiencies.
During my recent time at home, I have really enjoyed the opportunity to take on a more active role in their life.
And it’s really nice that I don’t have to wear a name tag anymore.
I also get a chance to do things that time would never allow before.
Like tonight.
I got to spend four hours with my son... the library.
He’s got a science project due on Monday and it was my turn/opportunity to help him along.
The premise of the project is as follows -- two identical Red Tulip Plants and for the last month, one has been fed water only, while the other got water and bug spray.
The idea was to find out which plant would grow more.
And in the biggest surprise since the conclusion of Marley & Me, it was the bug spray plant that took off.
So tonight my son and I headed over to the local library where we worked on his project pretty much until they locked the doors.
I’ve closed down a bar or two in my day, but a library, not so much.
And what a night it was.  Bonding, studying, learning, working, laughing, loving. One of the best nights I’ve had as a dad or a human being in a long time.  
To quote the great philosopher Bill Withers, it was just the two of us.
And it was awesome.
And it was productive.
And guess what?
No sneezing.

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