Swift And Decisive

The following is a guest blog from Lillian Swift, a writer from Northern Arizona University.

    -- Sir Bacon

Unemployment Benefits continue to be major issue in 2012

So many different families and individuals across the United States have been stricken with the perils of unemployment over the past few years. Aside from just the bottom line of losing money that provides, families have also been stricken with the perils of losing their benefits. This is when many turn to unemployment benefits to help get them through the tough times. With people facing long stretches of unemployment, many individuals have been forced to take a fight to the courts to battle for their unemployment benefits. 

Capitol Hill will soon be facing a decision regarding a proposed extension of unemployment benefits. An alteration would certainly be welcome to the many who struggle looking for a new position during these tough economic times. However, until the people in Washington can make moves on the item, there will continue to be more battles over unemployment benefits leaking into the court room. 

Just recently, an Illinois woman who was once fired for working through her lunch break was forced to go into a court battle with her former company over unemployment benefits. Sharon Smiley had worked for a realty company and they had decided to challenge her benefits after letting her go from her position. She was awarded the win in a court battle over her former company who challenged those benefits. Although she won the battle and is now employed full time elsewhere, there are many others out there who haven’t experienced the same fortunes. 

In Florida, this has become a major topic of conversation while politicians out of Tallahassee continue to propose cuts and more requirements to unemployment benefits, as well as the state’s Medicaid program. Recent rallies in Central Florida brought together citizens to help build awareness of the potential pitfalls that many unemployed Floridians could face. Their efforts were backed by representatives from Orlando Abogado practices, local fireman chairs and others from local employment agencies. 

As a recent college graduate, the job market has been tough on me as well as my peers. Many have been forced to settle for part time positions in the meantime and some haven’t even been lucky enough find any work. For myself, I am currently taking on the unknown waters of looking for full-time employment. Although daunting, I try and keep a positive mood going into every application and search. Even with a positive mindset for many recent graduates, it can be hard to maintain when things don’t go your way. Unemployment benefits to me are often a necessity. I’ve seen family members who’ve worked their entire life get them out of necessity and not out of a lack of hard work at all. 

Young adults who’ve lost their positions have also faced the tough decision of whether to apply for employment benefits. Of course, this is a tough choice for many of those who have been laid off or let go from their jobs. For people who’ve been working for years, this decision can be highly unwelcomed. 

On one hand, many longtime workers need to provide, possibly not only for themselves, but for a family or others. This certainly can seem like an easy decision, but some just don’t have the mindset to use these benefits, as they’ve been raised to believe that every dollar must be earned. This decision is different for the younger adults who may have been let go, as some of their choices may be based on perception and reputation. 

My father was faced with an interesting quandary in the past few years when let go for the second time within three years. On one hand, he had been in the military for 20 years, retired and worked for over 15 years following that, so he knew nothing different. He took the unemployment benefits, which helped him out for a few months in between jobs, something he is thankful for as he gets settled into a new sales job right now. The point is that, although taking on unemployment benefits remains a tough choice for some, for most it might be a necessity. 

The win for the Chicago woman who was fired for working through her lunch is a major stepping stone for those involved with the importance of unemployment benefits. There have been few times in history when unemployment has been affected as it has in the past few years here in the United States. Unemployment benefits have been and will continue to be an important factor in helping to support the citizens of the country as they look to get back on their feet during tough times. 

Impending action from Washington to extend unemployment benefits nationally could be viewed as both a gift and a curse, but it’s important to remember that help like that cannot be replicated elsewhere. In most cases, extending unemployment benefits would certainly do much more good than harm for the people of the United States. 

Lillian Swift is an aspiring writer who specializes in writing about community issues.

If you would like to write a guest blog, please contact me at sirbacon123@yahoo.com.

For My Journey Through Unemployment:

CLICK HERE

Happy Daze

Growing up in the late 70’s, there was nobody cooler than Arthur Fonzarelli.

The leather jacket.  The comb.  The juke box.

The comb.

Every young boy wanted to be The Fonz.

Every young girl wanted to do something with The Fonz.

They just didn’t know what.

A couple of years ago I got a chance to meet Arthur.  

The real Arthur, Henry Winkler.

It was a a brief meeting, make that a VERY brief meeting.

But I shook the right hand of THE FONZ.

Aaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy!

My two older kids, then probably 10 and 8, were with me, but as hard as I tried to explain, they couldn’t help but think…

…why is my dad so excited about seeing that gray haired old Jewish guy?

What can I say, he’s the Fonz.

Unfortunately my Happy Days trivia knowledge has disappeared like Richie’s older brother, but I can still remember some episodes like they were thirty years ago.

Richie and Potsie going to the stag party.

Richie and the Fonz double dating with Laverne and Shirley. 

Fonzie jumping garbage cans and then the shark.

One of my favorite episodes was when the Malachi Brothers came in for the Demolition Derby.

(Yes, unfortunately I had to look up the name of the brothers.  I am officially old.)

When they arrived in Milwaukee, they unveiled the Malachi Crunch and a catch phrase that I still use to this day:

•      Let the Pigeons Loose

About ten years ago, Seinfeld replaced Caddyshack in my brain as my most quoted show, but there are certain hall-of-fame phrases that seem to re-appear on a weekly basis.

If I ever wonder if I did something correctly, you can rest assure that George Costanza’s, “was that wrong?” will work its way into the conversation.

If something is too expensive, I immediately head back to Bushwood Country Club, because “I ain’t payin no 50 cents for no Coke.”

And if someone lets the cat out of the bag and you are within seven feet of me, you are guaranteed to hear, “Let the Pigeons Loose.”

I’m not really sure if I’m using it in the correct context, but to me once the pigeons have been let loose, it’s time to put on your seat belt.

So where am I going with all this?

I’m taking the scenic route to my lunch today, which I enjoyed with two former colleagues.

Well, more importantly, two current friends.

I was fortunate to manage them when I was managing.

Both of them were relieved of their duties (and their benefits) with no notice in the great fall of 2008.

One of them was on maternity leave at the time, the other was seven months pregnant.

You stay classy San Diego.

Fortunately we still get together for lunch from time-to-time.  Unfortunately there’s usually too much time between us getting together for lunch.

Today we met up at a local Mexican restaurant.

I had the Chicken Mole Enchiladas.  They each enjoyed what appeared to be a big plate of melted cheese.

About 94% of the way through our two-hour reunion, one of my former colleagues looked me in the eye and said….

…well, actually before she said anything, I knew exactly where she was headed.

Rewind.

For those of you who have read the blog for awhile, you have probably learned a lot about me.  

A lot about my kids.  

A lot about my mom.   

A lot about my good days and bad days.

But I really try not to talk too much about my former employer.

I believe it was Marian Cunningham who said if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Despite the crash and burn landing, the experience I had and the people I met was something I would never trade in.

But that was my old life and this is my new life.

Right or wrong, good or bad, I have made a point to not mention the blog to any of my former co-workers.

I would hate for them to think I am a narcissistic sports maniac, stuck in a 70’s sitcom listening to 80’s music.

Well my friend looked me in the eye, she kinda paused, then stuttered through, “I heard... Are you... Did you... Were you... on CNN?”

Yep.

“Are you writing a ..”

Yep.

I guess I was little naive to think that my blog could make it to India and Korea, England and Saddle River, New Jersey without eventually making a stop around the corner.

For the next 20+ minutes I gave them a recap of my life as a blogger.

Somehow I didn’t bore them, because they both said they were actually looking forward to checking it out.

Let the pigeons loose.

"I am a Blogger"

Four hours, 46 minutes and 36 seconds.

60 blogs.

Late Friday night, someone from Los Angeles took nearly five hours out of their life to read the story of mine.

I hope it was Steven Spielberg.

Thanks to my new friend at sitemeter.com, I am able to follow the up-to-the-second traffic on my website and see who’s out there.

I’ve never tried heroin, but I can’t imagine it being any more addictive than that friggin website.

Friday night’s display absolutely blew me away.

Thankfully it has become somewhat of a regular occurrence for somebody new to check out a handful of my old blogs.

But 60?

Wow!

Good thing I don’t know who you are or you would have a new BFF.

For those of you who have never been unemployed, I don’t really expect you to truly understand the real feeling of being kicked in the gut.

I certainly didn’t understand it when I was told nearly twenty months ago that my services were no longer needed.

I certainly didn’t understand it nine months later when my contract ran out and I was no longer being paid to stay at home.

I certainly didn’t understand it week-after-week, month-after-month when all my “great contacts” got me nowhere.

But let me tell you, as someone who is beyond fortunate in life but beyond nowhere in my career, I understand it now.

I am SO ready for any piece of good news, even if I have to make it up.

Thankfully I have found a lot of things to keep me busy and for the most part keep me happy.

Working out, joining a band, coaching my kids, using expired coupons at the supermarket.

All of those things bring a sincere joy to my world, but a true celebration?  Not really.

The closest that I have to come to serenity now is what you are reading.

My blog.

The fact that hundreds of people go out of their way, every day, to read the voices in my head is something that brings a big ole smile to my face.

Watching as this unknown person from my former hometown read blog-after-blog on Friday night, committing five hours of their life to reading about mine, made me feel absolutely incredible.

As sweet (or pathetic) as this may sound, at one point Friday night I remember blurting out, “I am a blogger.”

And proud of it.

I realize blogging may not help pay for the kids’ college education.

And it may not do much for the car payment either.

But it does help me get out of the bed in the morning or in most cases gets me to bed way after my bed time.

In all of my years of working in the TV world, past tense, I never had the desire or the ego to put my face on camera.

I loved working behind-the-scenes, coming up with some creative idea so that somebody else better looking than me could deliver it.

Writing this blog has been the closest thing to coming out that I have ever experienced.

When it was truly an anonymous blog, I felt incredibly comfortable saying whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

I had no hesitation in talking about my good days AND my bad days.

I had no hesitation in talking about anything.

Especially when I heard from so many people around the world who have truly connected with my story and inspired me to keep going.

But now that there are a group of people who know who I am, including a growing list of friends in-and-out of my former profession, that is a little more challenging.

After all, I don’t want to hurt my reputation.

Ha.

I’ve got my lawyer friend reminding me that, “maybe you shouldn’t say that.”

I’ve got a TV friend saying, “you never know who is going to read this in the future.”

I’ve got my daughter telling me, “I hope LeBron doesn’t read that blog.”

And deep down, they are all right, I suppose.

But the bottom line for me is after 43 plus years of life, I have finally connected with something that makes me happy.

Not as happy as using those expired coupons, but happy.

When one of my closest friends forwarded my LeBron blog to another friend who posted on his Facebook page, I nearly fainted.

And not in a good way.

OMG!

What if somebody finds out that I think LeBron is a bum.

Wait a minute, WHAT IF somebody new reads my blog.

What if.

That would be cool.

Dream On

After the disappointment of the last 18 months, I have really tried to go about my job search in private.

Sure, I have mentioned quite a bit here, but I have intentionally left out a lot of the details so that there wouldn’t be a trail of crumbs in my secret double life.

But when you drop a little bombshell that you are about to interview for a “dream job” in the middle of the 15th paragraph of the 103rd blog, you really get to find out who is reading this thing.

Well Thursday morning, I posted that blog.

By lunch I had heard from a bunch of friends via phone, email and text messaging, sending their best wishes.

Now deep down, I know a lot of friends have started reading the blog, which makes me feel great, but you still don’t know who is reading what and why.

Or when for that matter.

Case in point -- I showed up to my son’s baseball practice on Thursday afternoon and was greeted by the coach who said, “we need to talk.”

My first thought was my son missed a bunt sign or something.

As you long timers may recall, I wrote about the coach in mid-April.

Nearly two months ago.

At that time, out of courtesy (and hope that he would read it), I told him about the blog.

He sent me a very nice note after he read it, but that was the last time we spoke about Sir Bacon.

Until Thursday.

Now, let me give you a little background on the coach.

He is perhaps the most genuine person I have EVER met.   

He treats EVERY kid on the team with respect and courtesy.  If one of the kids makes a mistake, he coaches them instead of yelling at them.

What a concept, huh?

When he said we needed to talk, he wasn’t talking about a bunt sign or a pitch out or a double steal.

He was talking about a hit and run.

“I read Sir Bacon today,” he said.

The first reaction inside my head was, “Wow.  He reads the blog?”

Then I quickly realized, he was referring to my dream job.

He had a big smile on his face when he spoke, but if this dream thing really happens, he’d be losing the switch-hitting catcher he’s been molding for the last four years.

Oh and I’d be leaving too.

For most coaches, if one of the better players on his team was possibly leaving, that would time to hit the panic button.

But as I could’ve expected, the coach didn’t want to talk about my son, at least not yet, he wanted to talk about me and the possible job.

And Sir Bacon.

He said he reads the blog on a regular basis and he really enjoys my writing.

WOW!

Hearing that is like slapping a 1-2 slider to the opposite field with runners on second and third with two out in a 3-2 game in the bottom of the eighth.

I mean, that was very cool.

Well as for that pursuit of the dream, I spoke with the exec on Friday and I think the call went as well as I could’ve expected.

Then again, he didn’t immediately offer me the job on our first call, so maybe my expectations were a little low.

He asked if I would be interested in the opening.

I said YES in a quiet, polished and relaxed voice.

He said good and he would be in touch.

If that doesn’t sound like a sure thing, then I don’t know what does.

Does anybody have the number for U-Haul?   

I am still very excited about the possibility, but at this point, it’s just nice to be back in the discussion.

As a sports fanatic, I seem to live life in sports terms, so why stop now.

This situation is somewhat like the NCAA basketball tournament.

I’d say I’m a high seed.  

I think I just won the first game, but all that gets me is a game against a tougher opponent.

Before I get to the Final Four, I still have a couple of more games to go, but hey I’m still in the tournament.

Let the Madness begin.

Honesty, The Best Policy?

So what is a blog?

Well, according to dictionary.com, a blog is:

• An online diary
• A personal chronological log of thoughts published on a Web page
• Typically updated daily, blogs often reflect the personality of the author

For me, it has been all of that and A LOT more.

It has been a place where I have been able to be honest with you and honest with me, while dealing with the disappointment of a busted career and a broken heart.

It has been a place where I have been able to live and re-live the amazing moments that I’ve shared with my family in the last 18 months, thanks to that broken career.

And perhaps more than anything, it has been a place where I have connected with new friends and reconnected with old ones who have shared their stories and shared their support to help me, and them, as many of us have entered this new world of being brave.

Since I started writing this blog at the beginning of the year, I have done my best to be as honest as possible.

At first, the writings were of the anonymous nature, under a nickname given to me by my six-year old daughter for some unknown reason.

A three-minute and ten second appearance on CNN blew my cover, but it was something no unemployed blogger in his right mind would’ve turned down.

Here we are nearly six-and-a-half months into this journey and I have a dilemma.

Well, at least a dilemma in the blogging sense.

If something is happening in my life, I’ve shared it with you.

I’ve shared my moments of depression, I’ve shared my many moments of satisfaction and I’ve shared my pursuit of regaining my career.

Well that career has a chance to take a giant step forward today.

I am scheduled to speak with a VERY high-ranking person in my profession who holds the keys to what I would certainly call a “dream job.”

These opportunities don’t happen every day, at least not for me, and considering that I’ve worked with this high-ranking person before, I’d at least consider the job a possibility.

However, whether it’s a defense mechanism or not, I'm not allowing myself to get too attached to this job.

At least not yet.

I’ve attended this rodeo before and that bull can kick pretty hard.

Don’t get me wrong, I am excited.  

Let me rephrase, I AM VERY EXCITED.  

I have no doubt that I can do the job.   I have no doubt that I would be great in the job, but until it happens, it hasn’t happened.

If you’ve read my blog at least once in the past, you’ve probably got a pretty good idea that you are not going to get any more details than what I’ve already said.

But considering a phone call I had yesterday from one my closest friends and part-time reader of this blog, I’m not even sure if I should’ve written anything at all.

I realize he was playing the role of devil’s advocate, but hearing him say that a potential employer may have a problem with something that I’ve written on my blog was really disappointing.

Of course I wasn’t mad at my friend.  He was just being, a friend.

What made me mad was the fact that here I’ve finally found an outlet that has helped me survive one of the most difficult times of my life and now I need to watch my every word in my every blog?

It was never my goal to get a job because of the blog.

And it was definitely never my goal to censor my blog.

I guess I figured the two went hand-in-hand.

Perhaps I was wrong.

I hope not.

Happy Birthday Zac

First and foremost, I want to send out my condolences to the families of the Coal Miners who lost their loved ones in the recent tragedy in West Virginia.

To be perfectly honest, I am not someone who can truly relate to what those brave men did for a living to provide food and shelter for their families.

That being said, I have nothing but respect for the way they approached their lives and I pray that their families can find peace during this most difficult of times.

The reason that I bring this up now is because of an email I received following my appearance last week on CNN.

It comes from Jeffrey:

I wish you the best of luck and hope you find a job soon! Hey can you pass along a message on your blog today.   There is a son, Zac Harrah about 6yrs old who is about to have is 7th birthday without his father.  His father was one of the miners in the coal mine disaster last week.  The local news paper is asking for people to send his son birthday cards for support.  Thanks for your help. The address: Zac Harrah 705 C&O Dam Daniels, WV 25832 Best of luck, thank you.

My apologies for not getting this out sooner, but please join me in wishing Zac strength during a time where he should be celebrating like a seven-year old.

Visiting Ours

Hi and Thanks.

Those three words were on the subject line of a recent email I received from a loyal reader.

On the surface, it looked a whole lot like so many of the other incredible emails of support I have received since I started writing this blog nearly four months ago.

But there was something inside that was not so ordinary.

The note, from a wonderful 26-year old with her entire life in front of her, spoke about how she recently moved back in with mom and dad because her paid internship had ended and she couldn’t get a full-time job.

She was working two jobs and was still not able to pay the rent to live on her own.  

She said that many of her friends are going through similar troubles and that it's hard not to get bogged down in the negative.

I hear you sister.

She said that my blog inspired her to restart her own blog in “an attempt to express some of my feelings about this new world I’m entering.”

That’s where many notes I have received just like it, ended.

But not hers.

She said she probably wouldn’t have written to me if it wasn’t the posts about my mom.

Like my mom, her uncle struggled with Bipolar Disorder until he lost his battle with it.

Fortunately my mom is still fighting.

And I’m glad to say, she is fighting hard.

After three weeks, she is out of the hospital and has moved into a temporary nursing facility until she transitions back to her full-time assisted living home.

Saturday I went to visit her.

Now based on our daily phone conversations, where I barely get a word in, I had a pretty good idea of what the visit was going to be like.

And it didn’t disappoint.

There were A LOT of stories that I had heard A LOT of times before.

Sometimes, in my own twisted way of coping, I think I enjoy some of "the greatest hits", knowing the punch line is moments away.

Then when the payoff comes, I get a nice chuckle in my head.  

I can only imagine what is going on in hers.

Sometimes, I just can't take it anymore.

But there was something a little different about this visit.

Instead of getting frustrated, I just let her go wild.  For over an hour.

And wild it was.

She asked if I still eat a big bowl of cereal every morning.   Which I don't.  Too many carbs.

Somehow she transitioned my answer into...
...our family friend Mike used to eat a bowl twice the size of yours... then he would molest his daughter and his wife was a chain smoker and one day the doctor pulled a piece of silver from the cigarette out of her lung.

Holy right turn Batman.

I told her my son’s baseball team won their game earlier in the day.

Somehow that turned into...
...one time she was seduced by a hall-of-fame pitcher in the prime of his pitching career, but my mom turned him down because “what would have happened if I hurt you in bed.”

She told me that the Mafia still runs everything in the world.

That became...
...she was on a trip through the Panama Canal (40+ years ago) and the company that owned the boat had a name with the same first four letters of a company that the Mafia used for...
...honestly, I missed the end of that story.   Sorry.

She told me that Joy Behar is on fire.

She talked about her Rum Cake recipe, again.

She talked about my college graduation party, 21 YEARS AGO.

She talked about the necklace her father sent her when she was 19.

She talked about the shoes she was wearing are 40 years old.

She talked about Satchel Paige & Rupert Murdoch & Frank Sinatra.

If you were there, you would’ve loved it.

The stories she was telling are amazing and ALL TRUE.  She’s lived an incredible life.

But the sad fact is, I’ve heard these stories before.  

MANY times before.

Normally I’m counting the minutes until my departure, but there was something different about this visit.

Something special.

Maybe it was that I knew THIS manic episode was clearly coming to an end and these stories were nothing more than an 80-year old woman driving down memory lane. 

Or maybe it was that I finally accepted that she is just a sweet old lady, who was dealt a bad deck of cards.

Or maybe it was the words of the “Hi and Thanks” email bellowing through my head:

• “(Bipolar) is a horrible, horrible misunderstood disease.  I wanted to let you know that you’re doing the right things.  Bipolar disorder, much like Alzheimer’s, can be just as hard on the people around the sufferer.   There’s no shame in that and when you share your stories, you make a misunderstood disease a little more accessible.”

As I left the facility, my mom thanked me for a great visit, even though she was the one who did all the visiting.

I said Goodbye and Thanks, and headed home.

To Sir, With Love

There are as many emotions in unemployment as there are colors in the rainbow.

Today, I am feeling them all.

Anticipation, excitement, fear, sadness, excitement...

This Thursday my anonymous blog will no longer be faceless.

Last Friday morning, I woke up to five emails in my sirbacon mailbox.

Four of them said I had won the Irish lottery.

My apologies to two of my musical heroes, U2 and Sinead O’Connor, but I deleted those emails without opening them.

But it was the fifth email that informed me that I had won the American lottery.

I opened that email faster than my kids open a package from Santa.

It was from a producer at CNN, who said she enjoyed my blog and wanted me to appear on their “30-Second Pitch” segment.

For those of you at work during the day, that segment is where CNN gives unemployed people the opportunity to pitch themselves for 30 seconds to millions of viewers (and possible employers).

Actually, it wasn’t me that she was contacting, but Sir Bacon, the kind-hearted faceless blogger who has kept me sane for the last 16 weeks.

After I stopped hyperventilating, for what felt like three days, I realized the incredible opportunity that was ahead of me.

Actually it was my good friend Lisa who realized it.

My first instinct was how cool that so many people were going to get introduced to the blog.

Lisa’s the one who firmly said, “YOU ARE GOING TO GET A JOB!”

Shows you where my head is, huh?

My postings at businessinsider.com have been amazing.  

Nearly 44,000 hits.  So far.

The article at La Presse Newspaper was incroyable.   

So many French-Canadian followers, you would think I was singing backup for Célene Dion.

But with all due respect to those two wonderful publications, in the words of James Earl Jones...

THIS IS CNN!

This is my opportunity to possibly return to the ranks of the employed.

But with it comes a big price.  At least for me.

With it comes the end of my safety net, called anonymity.

Now there is no way that I could go on CNN as sirbacon without saying who I really am.  

That would be stupid for me.

And there is NO way I could go on CNN as me without talking about sirbacon.   

That would be disrespectful to him.  Or me as him.

The plain and simple truth is that this is the best thing to happen to my career in the last 18 months.

I had to say yes.  Actually, I had to say YES!

Just imagine if Carrie Underwood chose to stay home instead of taking the risk and auditioning for American Idol.   

She would be so much worse off and so would our ears.

I am so excited for this opportunity I could scream, but I better save my voice.

I am so nervous for this opportunity too.

I don’t expect anyone to love sirbacon as much as I do or to even understand the power of what he has done for me.

The beauty of sirbacon is the ability to speak to you, straight from the heart, no strings attached.

I still plan on writing this blog, as sirbacon, even after I get a job.  
(Insert joke here.)

I don’t know if it will ever be the same.  But, I truly hope so.

I also hope that you get a chance to watch this Thursday morning at 10:40am ET to see the real me.

Thank you for the ride of my life.

The next stop is CNN.

We’ve got a full tank of gas and plenty of road ahead of us.

letter to THE editor

Dear God,

I know you are busy, but I hope you get a chance to read this note.

As I’m sure you know, these have not been the best of times for me.

I’m sure you have a plan, but at the moment, I don’t see it.

To be quite honest, right now I feel like everything is against me.

EVERYTHING.

I’ve searched high and low for that ray of sunlight, but all I can see is clouds.

Big black clouds.

I really need something positive to happen.

And soon.

The situation with my mom is as bad as ever.

The good news is I was absolutely correct when I thought we were on the verge of another bipolar episode.

The bad news is it is here.

She’s not sleeping, probably not eating. She is back to believing that the world is against her.

Wait, I believe that last part. But I am sleeping fine.

I went to lunch with her last Tuesday and I barely got a word in.

She was changing topics faster than a game show.

She used all the cliches that she always does when her chemicals are imbalanced.

She repeated all the 40-year old stories, like they happened this morning.

And she denied it all when I told her the truth.

The bad news is that she is suffering through another manic moment, but the REAL bad news is that I don’t have the strength to help her.

I am dealing with my own problems.

I don’t know if I have hit rock bottom, yet, but I hope I’m getting close.

Remember that interview that had me so excited.

Well, that was three weeks ago and I have not heard a word.

Not one word.

Not thank you.

Not screw you.

Nothing!

The same exact reaction or lack of reaction I got from the company I interviewed here with two months ago.

No reply at all.

I’m starting to think Phil Collins wrote that song about me.

Recently I stopped by my Facebook account to see what people were having for dinner.

While I was there, a former supervisor of mine opened a chat line.

He asked what I was doing, so I told him about the blog.

He told me that he was working on a show that I’d be perfect for, gave me his cell phone number and asked me to give him a call.

He asked ME to give HIM a call.

So I did. The next day.

I didn’t want to seem desperate. You saw the movie Swingers, right?

When I called, he said he was on a plane and would call me back.

That was two weeks ago!

I gotta be honest. I don’t get it. What did I do to deserve this?

I really don’t know how much more I can take.

If you are trying to beat me down, you win.

Uncle. I surrender. I give up.

Whatever catch phrase you want.

I need something good to happen and I need it to happen soon.

By far, the best thing to happen to me in the last few months has been this blog.

I love writing it. I love reading it. And I have really loved the response from it.

In many ways, it has been the only thing to keep my head above the water.

It’s given me a support system like the one Russell Crowe’s character had in A Beautiful Mind.

Except, my followers are real, right?

The first thing I do every morning is check my email.

It used to be to see if any possible employers had replied to me.

Now I am looking to see if anybody commented on my most recent blog.

How pathetic is that?

Pathetic, but honest.

Today I got an email from Marta who told, me, “your objective now is to keep up your spirit (which is like standing in a septic tank, poop up to your chin and trying to play flute, I know).”

I laughed. It felt good to laugh.

Marta is a real person, right?

I am now counting on people that I don’t know to keep me going.

Maybe I can star in A Beautiful Mind II, the Golden Years.

Even with my life falling apart, what is left of it, you still find a way to remind me that things could be worse.

Like last night when my daughter watched a movie at a friend’s house.

About a year ago, the father of her friend was happily married with three kids.

Happily married until his step-son was killed, his wife became an alcoholic, he lost his job and then his wife left him.

Today my son is playing with one of his best buddies who is back in town for spring break.

About a year ago, the father of his friend was happily married with his three sons.

Happily married until his wife decided to have an affair with an old high school flame, then she filed for divorce and moved the boys to another state so that she could live with her new, or old love.

Yes, things could be A LOT worse.

My mom is a mess right now, but thankfully she doesn’t have the same spot on her pancreas that doctors just found on my friend's dad.

Yes, I know, things could be A LOT worse.

But even with all the hardship and pain that those around me are dealing with, I don’t know how much more I can take.

I’ve tried everything to find that ray of light, but the sun is setting and it’s setting quickly.

I need something and I need it soon.

Kindest Regards,

Sir Bacon

P.S. Say hi to my dad for me and tell him I miss him.