Turning The Page: A New Journey

I was dreamin' when I wrote this
Forgive me if it goes astray

  -- Prince, 1999

I’ve been writing A blog since the beginning of the year.

I’ve been waiting to write THIS blog for nearly 23 months.

I could wax poetic and build up the drama for the next 900 words, but instead let me cut to the chase:

MY JOURNEY THROUGH UNEMPLOYMENT IS OVER.

I have been offered a job and gladly accepted it.

I will begin working again on Monday.

And I can’t wait.

I’ve been waiting for something to happen

For a week or a month or a year

  -- Jackson Browne, Lives in the Balance

For nearly two years, I have been part of a growing group that is just looking for a chance.

A group of people who have been dealt a bad hand through no fault of their own.

A group of people who just want to start life all over again.

A group of people who have been kind enough to embrace me as they connect with my story.

Connect with my story from across my street and across the globe.

I am so excited and so humbled to be one of the lucky ones.

One of the lucky ones being given an opportunity to move on.

Moving on to rebuild something that was destroyed.

And I am going to make the most of it.

It takes a leap of faith to get things going

It takes a leap of faith you gotta show some guts

It takes a leap of faith to get things going

In your heart you must trust

  -- Bruce Springsteen, Leap of Faith

As part of this new job, I will be moving away from my family.

For now.

Several thousand miles away.

And that part of it hasn’t really hit me.

Yet.

But it will.

And when it does, that will be another chapter in my life’s journey.  

Who knows, maybe even another blog.

We broke the news to the kids last week.

My oldest daughter cried first, then my son.

Then my six-year old when she saw her two siblings cry.

But by the end of the conversation, and several since, they are now as excited as I am.

They are totally on board with where life is taking me.

Taking us.

In the last week, they have seen their father smile.  

A lot.

They have seen optimism replace pessimism.

They have seen hope replace fear.

Take care of all your memories

For you can not relive them

   -- Bob Dylan, Nothing Was Delivered

I will look back on this time I have spent at home as the greatest time of my life.

I love working and I will love returning to work.

But to be a stay-at-home dad for as long as I was, is the job that I will be most proud of.

Forever.

I don’t know if I was cut out to be a parent, but somehow I have figured out how to make it work.

From road trips to school functions to just watching my kids watch TV, there will never be a time where I will regret my time at home.

The times I shared with my family will forever be etched in my heart and in my head.

And in my blog.

This blog has given me the opportunity to relive the experiences and share them with you.

And with me.

The field trip to the zoo.

The little league baseball season.

The spelling bee.

My mother’s bipolar episode.

Good days.  Bad days.

Good moments.  Bad moments.

With every memory and every moment in time, I always had a place to be me.

I will cherish that forever. 

When the day is long and the night, 

the night is yours alone,

When you're sure you've had enough of this life, 

well hang on

  -- REM, Everybody Hurts

This blog has given me a way to connect with every possible emotion in the food chain.

Anger to depression.

Freedom to complete satisfaction.

I have spent countless hours sitting at the computer, late into the PM and many times early into the AM.

Sitting all alone in a dimly lit room, connecting with my emotions, while connecting with you.

No matter what I was feeling when I sat down in the chair, writing seemed to cure any aches and any pains.

Sadness is a waste of energy.

Bitterness is a waste of time.

But those are real feelings.

What happened to me didn’t need to happen.

What happened to me wasn’t fair.

What happened to me wasn’t right.

But what has happened to MILLIONS of people in this great country is far worse than anything I ever had to deal with.

I never lost sight of that.

And never will.

Since being told nearly two years ago that my “services were no longer needed”, I have seen sides of me that I didn’t know existed.

The side that learned how to love like I’ve never loved before.

The side that learned how to share like I’ve never shared before.

The side that learned how to hurt like I’ve never hurt before.

The side that used to trust, but couldn’t trust anymore.

The side that used to believe, but couldn’t believe anymore.

The side that accepted all of those sides and still found a way to get up in the morning.

And live that day.

And look forward to the next.

I found out who I am.

And I really like him.

Don't give up, 'cause you have friends

Don't give up, You're not the only one

Don't give up, No reason to be ashamed

Don't give up, You still have us

Don't give up now, We're proud of who you are

Don't give up, You know it's never been easy

Don't give up, 'cause I believe there's the a place

There's a place where we belong

   -- Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush, Don’t Give Up

Giving up has never been an option for me.

It has never been a consideration.

But it has been a reality.

I didn’t give up right away.  

And thankfully, I didn’t give up for very long.

We have always been told that hard work wins.

And I worked hard.

VERY hard.

For 25 years.

And all of a sudden because my company was sold and the new company wants to do less with less, I was being punished.

Math major, I am not, but that didn’t add up to me.

It also doesn’t make sense to the so many good, honest, hard-working people who are still being put through this miserable exercise.

The stories you have shared with me have broken my heart and rebuilt my faith at the same time.

So many of you have lost your job, lost your insurance, lost your family, lost your house.

Lost your life, as it was.

I wish I could say that keeping the faith will pay off.

And good things always happen to good people.

And any other cliche from page 94 of the cliche handbook.

But the bottom line is once you have given up, you have nothing.

You are allowed to give up.  

For a moment.  Even for a day.  Even for a week.

I’ve done it.

I just hope if you do give up, you can find something to get you going again.

A goal, a parent, a spouse, a child, a dog, a dream.

Something.

It doesn’t matter what keeps you going as long as you are going.

I want to thank you 

for giving me the best day of my life 

Oh just to be with you 

is having the best day of my life 

    -- Dido, Thank You

Thanks to this blog, I have connected with literally thousands of people from around the world.

People I have never met and never will.

But people who have pushed me everyday to tell my story.

Good people from Arkansas to Australia, California to China, Illinois to India, Jersey to Japan, Pittsburgh to Prague.

And of course, Quebec.

Merci Beaucoup.

In just the last week, I have seen new readers from Peru, Barbados, Portugal, Spain, Taiwan and New Zealand.

It is overwhelming and amazing and humbling and any other incredible word that ends in ing.

As Sinead O’Connor once said, Thank You For Healing Me.

Waking up each morning and reading that someone found some inspiration in my story was something I will never forget.

The truth is, you have inspired me.

You have inspired me to keep going.

You have inspired me to not give up.

You have inspired me to go on with each day.

However I’m feeling.

My computer is telling me that this is the 506th page of my blog.

And I have written more than 102,000 words.

Words that have changed my life forever.

I am planning on still writing this blog, a blog, some blog, for as long as I can.

I realize my journey is taking a turn, hopefully a turn for the better, but writing is now a part of who I am.

And who I will be.

But no matter where we go from here, I thank you for every day you have given me.

Who's to say where the wind will take you

Who's to say what it is will break you

I don't know where the wind will blow

Who's to know when the time has come around

I don't wanna see you cry

I know that this is not goodbye

   -- U2, Kite