NOT THAT QUESTION!

I have always enjoyed a party.

Except for my first party of course, which came eight days into life.

(If you don’t know what I am referring to, check Seinfeld’s episode five, season five.  Ouch.)

Back to the party.

I like birthday parties, engagement parties, fraternity parties.

I even like the resolve of the Libertarian Party.

Today I was invited to a high school graduation party.

Well, actually I was not invited to the party, but our band was.

In case you are new to my world, as a 43-year old unemployed guy, I was asked to sing in a band with three 40+ year old employed guys.

After my very successful singing career in college, I had no choice but to accept.  

Two weeks ago, we launched this new career at a block party.

Fortunately at our golden age, we were able to remember most of the five songs we played two weeks ago, so today we played the same five songs.

When the 20+ minute show was over, it was time to mingle backstage with the groupies.

Well actually, there was no backstage.

And there were no groupies.

But we had plenty of time to talk to the people who I recognized the face, but didn’t know the person.

I didn’t notice a teleprompter behind me, but you would’ve thought that every person was reading off a script.

Line 1 -- you guys sounded great.

Line 2 -- I love that song by The Clash/Ramones/Weezer...

Line 3 -- so, what do you do for a living?

I guess my singing didn’t convince anyone that rock star is my full-time job, but even worse than that, Line #3 kept reopening that nasty wound.

I thought this was a party.

One thing I have never been good at is lying and at this point in my life, I’m not about to start now.

I think I can hold a poker face that Lady Gaga would be proud of, but even in a little chit-chat, if you ask me a question, you’re gonna get an answer.

Within seconds, maybe milli-seconds, I was telling a stranger about the last 18 months of my life.

TMI.

I had a fantastic fake smile on my face saying that being a stay-at-home dad is the best job in the world.

Which it is, but...

And I would say that every, make that EVERY time I say that I am unemployed, I get a response that my _____ just lost their job too.

Honestly, I don’t really give a damn about your _____ and the last thing I want to do is to be talking about this.

Can’t we talk about how I sounded exactly like Brian Setzer on the Stray Cat Strut.

Do I really need to re-live my demise?

Again!

There was a time, fortunately a short time, when my father was unemployed.

The year was 1979 and through no fault of his own -- dejavu -- he lost his job.

At the time I was 12 and I barely knew how to spell unemployed, no less what it really meant.

All I could tell is that my dad was embarrassed.

He was embarrassed to file for unemployment.  He was embarrassed to talk about it.   He was embarrassed.

The funny thing is that is exactly how I don’t feel.

I am not embarrassed to be unemployed.  Not proud of it, by any stretch, but not embarrassed.

Maybe it’s the world we are living in these days.

While working out last week, I saw that the optimistic Fox News Channel is predicting that we will have 20 million unemployed soon in this country.

Why would I be embarrassed, I am part of the in-crowd.

But even with plenty of company in my new demographic, it still doesn’t feel very good.

Especially when you get that miserable question -- so what do you do? -- over and over and over and over again.

Um, grocery shopping.

Exercise.

Little projects here and there.

All true, by the way.

I was at my son’s baseball game two nights ago, when one of the grandparents, who usually makes a couple of games a year, stopped by to say hello.

He introduced me to his new girlfriend and then asked me, “what is your title over there again?”

Really?

I did my best to summarize my life in three seconds, probably closer to thirty, and then threw in the, “it’s nice to see you again.”

I’m not sure he was buying it.

In fact, I think he probably wished he never would have said hello.

It really wasn’t that big deal and fortunately I was able to deliver the eulogy of my career with a couple of one-liners.

But I think we both wish he would’ve asked about the distance from first base to second base instead of “my title over there again.”

Maybe my bris wasn't so bad after all.

Live and Learn

My wife loves kids.

She loves our three kids.

She loves her 400 kids.

That second group is the number of children she has taught in the last 15 years as a first grade teacher.

This year she has a class of 26 students, but today only 25 showed up.

The absent child would have preferred to be at school, but she didn’t get that choice.

Over the weekend, she attended a birthday party, where there was cake and ice cream, and a slide.

Unfortunately, before the dessert was served, she fell off the slide and bumped her head.

Her parents took her to get checked out and they were told their child had a mild concussion.

A few hours later, the headache became a lot more serious when the little girl started throwing up.

As you would expect, her parents immediately took her to the emergency room where a cat scan showed severe swelling in her head.

Had the parents waited, the result could have been tragic, but thankfully, the prognosis is for a full recovery.

The doctors said that for the next few weeks, she must stay at home, do something effortless, like watch a lot of TV and most important, don’t use her brain.

Now that might be easy for you and me -- well, I KNOW it’s easy for me -- but for an active seven-year old girl, it will be a lot more challenging.

If all goes well, she will be back in my wife’s class in a short time, a very small price to pay for something that could have been a whole lot worse.

As a father, there is NOTHING more important than the safety of our kids and when I hear about an accident like this one, it makes you do exactly what that little girl is not supposed to do, THINK.

Like most children these days, our kids have a steady diet of birthday parties and play dates and the occasional sleepover, and we usually say yes without any hesitation.

For those times that we don’t give an immediate approval, we usually get that puppy dog face with the one word plea to make sure we say yes.

“Puh-leeeeeeeeeeeese!”

Every parent has heard it.

Every teacher has seen it.

When my wife shared this story with me tonight, I couldn't help but think how I would be feeling if I was that little girl's parent.

Ultimately, we want to do whatever we can to keep our kids out of harm's way, but unfortunately that's not always possible.

Being a full-time stay-at-home dad for the last year and change has taken the relationship with my kids to a level that I didn't know existed.

Everyday I have the honor of taking them to school, making their meals, helping them with homework and most of all, just being their dad.

I know someday I will be going back to work, but thankfully, I have had the opportunity to renumber my priorities and place my family where they belong, at the top of the list.

And that's a great lesson to learn.