On A Role

Today marks the beginning of my fourth week back at work.

I hope they have a cake waiting for me.

The job has been my opportunity to get back into the world of TV, creating and producing shows during a seven-week freelance gig.

I’ve still got a month left and PLENTY of work to do.

I suppose that’s the good news.

The bad news is the best way to describe my mood these days is, miserable.

I've been hired to produce a series of shows that involve a subject matter I know nothing about.

But that’s not the problem.

In my 25 years in the TV biz, I worked on many shows that have introduced me to a new world.   

I found that challenge to not only be... challenging, but also a great way to expand my mind. 

The people who were kind enough to hire me for my current job are getting 100% of me 100% of the time I am there.

But this is definitely not what the doctor ordered.

I show up to work on time everyday.   

And I leave at the same time.

Everyday.

And once I’m out of the parking lot, I’m gone.

I don’t put one second of thought into the job from the moment I leave until the moment I get back.

Fred Durst may have done it for the nookie, but I'm doing it for the money.

I have officially become a worker.

Hold on...

Before you send me hate mail, please keep in mind this blog is about expressing my real feelings and I'm just trying to keep it real.

I am in NO WAY knocking the millions of great people in this great country who go to work every morning, work all day and then go home.

In a way, I guess I’m jealous.

But I gotta be honest, that’s not me.

I became very happy as a stay-at-home dad.

I would be very happy to start my career over again.

But this life in limbo thing flat out sucks.

I spent all of my professional life putting my heart and soul into every project I have ever worked on.   

There was never a clock ticking in my head.

I left it all on the table.

Pick a cliche, any cliche.

It was a labor of love.

I never worked a day in my life.

Until now.

I have absolutely no investment into this job other than doing the best job I can for seven weeks.

Which I am.

Considering the shows they do and my lack of interest in doing the shows they do, I don’t see this becoming a full-time job.

In my last full-time job, I managed 50 people.

I had real people with real questions and real problems coming into my office every day looking for a grown up to guide them through life.

It was an honor to play that role for them.

Now I live on the other side of the tracks.

Every manager knows that every employee believes every manager is stupid.

Those conversations used to go on behind my back.

Now they are happening in front of my cubicle.

Despite what you may be thinking at this exact second, this is not about power.

I have never had the desire to be the President of the World.

I have never had the drive to be a famous movie director. 

In fact, I drifted more into management than I ever would’ve expected.

I got into TV because it was cool.

I stayed in TV because it was creative.

I’m now in TV for a paycheck.

It probably doesn’t help that I spent the entire school year at home by myself and now that my wife and kids are out of school, I’m leaving for work at 8:00am every day.

It probably doesn’t help that I spent the last six months going to the gym every day and now I haven’t worked out since May.

It definitely doesn't help that the one lead I thought I had on a GREAT job now seems to be more of a mirage.

I guess it's back to the drawing board.

Does anyone have a pen?